


How to Piss Off Katsura Kotarou

by Ki_no_Shirayuki



Series: 刺し子 — Sashiko [1]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Anger, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Character Study, Crack, Cultural References, Exactly What It Says on the Tin, Gen, Hair Braiding, Hair Washing, Humor, Japanese Culture, Languages and Linguistics, Lists, Long Hair, POV First Person, Patriotism, Rants, Snark, WTF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-04-20
Packaged: 2018-09-24 15:02:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9767309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ki_no_Shirayuki/pseuds/Ki_no_Shirayuki
Summary: These things annoy me to no end, and I especially dedicate this list to you, Gintoki! And for the last time, I'm not Zura, I'm Katsura!EDIT:Comes with glossary of Japanese terms.





	

**Nicknaming.** A person's name is a vital part of one's identity and it is extremely disrespectful to address them by anything other than their proper name.

 **Bakufu's dogs** who believe themselves dedicated to the common good when they are in fact serving the enemy, and refuse to accept the truth.

 **When anyone** tries to harm Elizabeth. You must walk over my dead body before you lay a finger on my friend.

 **When you are** served ramen and you notice there's no _naruto_ fish cake in it. _Naruto_ is the soul of ramen and not putting it in a bowl signifies carelessness on the preparer's part.

 **Fangirls** who want to join the Joui faction only to stick their hands into my hair.

 **When someone** wears a kimono and doesn't wear a _juban_ or doesn't secure it properly and exposes his arm and/or chest when he's obviously not a Noh actor. Gintoki and Shinsuke, I'm looking at you.

 **Using a foreign word** when there is already a Japanese word for it as well as gratuitous use of katakana. When you buy a bag of fruity flavored candies and peach flavor is written _pīchi_ instead of _momo_ , you really do want to throw it at the salesperson's face and blow the factory that manufactures the candies to bits. Also, overusing katakana does _not_ make your shitty, sappy, cheap love novel look like a classic.

 **When you're** in the bathroom washing your hair and you realize you've run out of conditioner.

 **When somebody thinks** _mochi_ a pastry. _Mochi_ is not a pastry. _Daifuku_ is.

 **People who** pretend to be part of the Joui movement for their own selfish ends. They make our faction look bad, and I fucking hate them.

 **When you see** an Amanto at a _washoku_ restaurant eating sushi with a fork or using chili sauce as a sushi condiment. This is why I must wipe them off of the face of this country.

 **Japanese people** who know less kanji than they should. This is a sign of laziness, unwillingness to learn and not enough respect for the Japanese language. When I read a handwritten document filled with hiragana, I get the urge to tear it into pieces and never talk to the writer again.

 **On the other hand,** those who try to prove themselves sophisticated by writing in kanji expressions that should now be written in kana instead or using overly complicated _hyōgai_ kanji that nobody uses anymore. Bonus points if it turns out they have gotten a stroke wrong.

 **People who,** for kami's sakes, still use _manyōgana_ in this time and age, _especially_ those who have forsaken their own country siding with those filthy extraterrestrial bastards. It neither makes you look cool and sophisticated nor any less of a hypocrite.

 **Those who** call a wig _zura_ instead of _katsura_.

 **When I have to** stand in line, I can't stand it when VIPs get ahead of everybody else simply by virtue of being "important people." I wonder where equality is, or why these people don't respect other people's right not to have their time wasted.

 **When you have to** braid your hair for some reason and when you untie it, it goes all curly and then your perm-headed friend gives you that satisfied smirk. It pisses me off as all hell.

 **People who** swim in an onsen.

 **Fried chicken** in onigiri. Why ruin Japanese food with something clearly isn't Japanese?

 **The fact that** smoking hasn't been made illegal yet. Aside from its obvious detrimental effects on your health, it is especially annoying when some _maru de dame na ossan_ walks up to me blowing smoke at my face thinking me a girl.

 **Don't even get me started** on that time I _actually_ had to be a girl.

 ** _Surihaku,_** _shusu_ , or any sort of fabric decoration that involves applying actual gold or silver foil onto its surface. Why the fuck would you wear such outrageously expensive stuff that would eventually flake off anyway? Save that money for something useful, like saving the country for kami's sakes.

 **You go to** the hairdresser's to have your fringe trimmed, and they cut it so high you end up looking like a total dork until it grows back to the length it was before, which takes forever.

 **When the Shinsengumi** is hot on your tail and you forgot to bring bombs.

 **Amanto who** try to fit in with our culture by sitting _seiza_ and then minutes later shifting about uncomfortably on the cushion. It is irritating as all hell. You bastards will never fit in anyway, so stop trying.

 **When the weather** is hot and your hair gets all greasy and sticks to your forehead.

 **When you have** agreed with your friend the day before that you would see him at 7:00 AM only to be rudely turned away at the door exactly then for "trying to disturb his sleep." You can't help but want to punch the living daylight out of him like I did in episode 5.

 **Breaking the fourth wall.** It's a cheap tactic of comedy that has been done to death. Is it any wonder that our show is threatened to be cancelled so often?

 **Apparently** there are people who don't know who Sei Shōnagon was. Bonus points if they have been taught all that could be taught about Japanese literature. Gintoki, I'm looking at you. And no, the said Shōnagon was _not_ a man. By the way, seeing her as well as Murasaki-shikibu's works marketed as though they're about nothing but sex makes my blood boil. What the fuck is wrong with the publishing industry these days? Do books have to be basically porn in order to sell?

 **When someone** reads over my shoulder as I write this list. Wait, what do you mean this is going to be published?

**Author's Note:**

> I did not make the candy thing up. I _did_ happen to buy a bag of Japanese candies on which peach flavor is _pīchi_ ピーチ and not _momo_ 桃, grape is _gurēpu_ グレープ instead of _budō_ 葡萄 and apple is _appuru_ アップル instead of _ringo_ 林檎. I think most people would tolerate strawberry flavor written as _sutoroberī_ ストロベリー instead of _ichigo_ 苺 though, LOL. The only flavor printed on the package that is not Gratuitous Katakana is lemon, _remon_ レモン, as there is no native Japanese word for it.
> 
>  **Glossary:**  
>  _Naruto_ (鳴門): lit. "sounding gate" (dafuq). A type of fish cake characterized by its swirly motif, typically eaten in ramen.  
>  _Mochi_ (餅): dough made from glutinous rice used to make _daifuku_ (大福) pastry (lit. "great happiness"), which is often called _mochi_ itself.  
>  _Manyōgana_ (万葉仮名): lit. "ten-thousand leaf _kana_ " (dafuq again). The use of kanji for phonetic values and not for their meaning (in place where normally katakana would be used instead). Remember the Bulldog gang with the kanji on the back of their costumes? That's _manyōgana_.


End file.
